Dear North Carolina,

No matter how hard I try, I don't think I will ever understand why people think it is ok to deprive basic human rights from others. Shouldn't we have come farther than this? My degree is in history, so I understand how prejudices can manifest, but aren't we supposed to learn from the past?

I truly want what is best for humanity. It breaks my heart when people are alienated in this manner. I expected better from you NC. I really did. I have spent a majority of my life defending the South. This is my home. I am a NC native. I have never lived anywhere else. But then you go and do something so far passed insensitive that you can't even see common decency from where you are standing.

Ho would you feel? No seriously, open your eyes and learn to empathize. Someone says, "Hey, you know what is unnatural? A man and a woman getting married. We should really put an amendment in our state constitution to stop that plague on society." Your pissed off now, aren't you? Exactly.

So you say your Bible says that it's wrong. You know what else that book tells you to do?In a holy war, it's essential to kill men, women, and children then go ahead and burn their civilization to the ground. The whole basis of religion is that God infallible, right? Men wrote the Bible, and they are very fallible. My intention is not to be offensive. I want you to understand that life doesn't fit in these limited contexts you are creating and trying to impose.

So, where is your humanity, your common sense? This is just going to be one more thing to be ashamed of later.


Just some thoughts,
A Citizen

Sorry for the late reply.

I hate emails. Absolutely abhor them. I don't know how I should address people. If you're not my friend or a member of my family. I have no idea what to call you. It upsets me. I don't want to sound curt or moronic. I just hate emails.

Truthfully, I like them more than phone calls. I don't even know what to say to friends and family on the phone. I guess this is a symptom of my social awkwardness.

This was all brought about by my email exchange with a professor about a final paper topic, and my frustration is paramount right now.

As I look at months of neglected Chemistry, I realize

I know I do a fair amount of bitching at the end of every semester, because I, by nature, am very lazy. This is not helped by the fact that in the past minimal effort would suffice. I'm not some genius that destroys curves and blurts out answers to rhetorical questions, but without studying I can usually get a B. It's more of a curse than a blessing. It keeps me lazy and boosts my ego to this uncontrollable beast.

Oh, and here is the kicker. When I do study, I spend more time on the subjects I'm more likely to ace without the effort, because I usually like them better. And I don't want to even try with things that it's conceivable that I could fail. That's how I get As and Ds on the same grading period, although I haven't really done that since high school.

I guess the fundamental lesson here is that my moderately high GPA is not a real reflection of my character. Plus, I despise chemistry and all its little science buddies.

I'm still as insecure as the teenager I was.

We talked about self-esteem today in my Social Psychology class. we took an inventory of whether or not we had high/low self-esteem. Now, I know I have low self-esteem, but it's kind of weird when you know you have low self-esteem. It's not even on the moderate line or close, which I thought it would be at least close.

Of course high and low self-esteem both have their ups and downs. For instance, people with lower self-esteem have more accurate self appraisal, and are less likely than those with higher self-esteem to overestimate their abilities. So, I guess I'm less likely to make a jackass out of myself, which can be put in the win column.

Apparently, I'm also less likely to let things go. And I don't let things go. Bad things stick with me a whole lot more than the good, but I think of it as being prepared for all scenarios.

At least I'm ready for my life to fall to shambles.

I'm a psychology minor, and I took most of my classes for said minor a couple years ago. Now, that I have a psychology class again that is not about teaching children, I'm starting to self-diagnose again. I'm almost positive that both my mother and I are bi-polar.

I'm a college student. I have made a couple of decisions that I was not proud of the next day, but I will never be that care free wild child. I'm just a little too rational for that. I've been drunk before (sloppy at that), but that's a life experience that no person should be without. I am a responsible person. I don't do things unless they will end well. I never put myself in more danger than humanly possible. Just ask my mother. I never liked anything that could cause me pain.

I don't do stupid things for my own self interest. I don't want to get hurt. I might be the most protected person you will ever know. I don't over share. I'm not about to tell you something that I feel is personal in the least but. You have to hold a special role in my life for that nonsense. I have no problem sharing my opinions, which are extensions of my secret inner thoughts. You'd have to be really good at reading people to decode those cryptic messages, but if you can God-speed.

I've built walls around myself (and cliches too it seems). Don't be surprised if you realize one day that you don't know me very well. Only a few people could consolidate their information can come up with the whole picture.

I'm sorry that's just who I am. I'm not about to get hurt.

Stones at the ready

I think it is a little funny, that when I seriously start to re-look over my eternal work in progress novel is when a national competition (or whatever Nanowirmo is) starts. I have no intention of pretending I'm even taking part of the month of writing. I'll probably never finish this bad boy, but I thought it was a little funny, because I've seen that everyone is working on their novels. Coincidences are so much fun.

Now let us talk about war. I know it's Veteran's Day and that's what made me think of it. I really believe the concept of war is age old and a necessary part of the world. I get it. That does not make me any less of a pacifist. I love that there are people in this country willing to defend us, because in all honesty I don't have that much integrity. I just don't like that we have to kill some people that have nothing to do with the political agenda of their country. we do have a tendency to go after the Dictators and the militant groups after all. I don't like bombs. Guns don't make me happy. I don't like fighting wars over "survival of the fittest" scenarios either. I don't like that we're in a oil war right now, that we can't finish, because we went in there and fucked it up in the first place.

Saddam was a jerk, I know. He, however, ran his country without civil war, which is what the Iraqi people are on the verge now. I don't think it's a waste of money to fix our mistakes (actually that's probably the best use of our money). I just wish we didn't make them in the first place, don't you?

Happy Veteran's day to all those who have served this country. I really do appreciate all that you have given us, even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes. Especially to my father, the Veteran, who usually has to work this day. Yet the children who haven't get the day off, life is funny like that.

Monkeys are kind of cute, guys.

I'm torn. I can't decide whether to rant about the importance of squashing ignorance in it's path or rambling about the importance of dreams. Doing both would overwhelm you, I am sure.

I choose ignorance.

This semester I am enrolled in a CI 2800 course, which is basically Teachers and Schools (and all that bullshit). This class is split into two parts. We are in a lecture setting three days a week, and we mentor at local schools two days a week. During our lectures, I'd like to say we have heart felt teacher centric conversations which reaffirm all our aspirations to shape young minds, but we do not. Yeah, it makes me sad too.

These lectures usually involve us watching movies, that only quazi fit into what the professor actually wants to talk about.

We just finished a movie entitled: The Genius of Apes. It basically tried to figure out why humans are highly evolved, educated creatures, while our nearest living relative is a few steps behind us. That's cool. I think monkeys are kind of cute.

Of course our professor has to bring up the question of teaching Creationism and Evolution in schools, which is also a valid question. (Side note: I love Inherit the Wind, it is a hella cool movie)

We do most of our conversation with the professor through emails, so no one really knows what every one is saying.

It got to a point where he had to send an email to everyone saying,he didn't much care if we thought evolution was a crack pot theory, he just wanted to know if it should be taught. That email made me throw-up in my mouth a little.

Now, I don't care what your personal religious belief are, but if your head is so far up your ass that you think Adam and Eve were real people, I don't think you should be in a college at all.

Even the majority of theologians have decided that yes, humans did evolve from a species closely related to our ape friends, but it was all intelligent design (or some bullshit like that).

If you can't tell, I'm a bit of an atheist.

I took a Hebrew literature course where we studied the Old Testament (and I did pretty well in it too. I'm shocked too). Most scholars believe that the majority of Genesis is basically explaining God's will, it's not a freakin historical account. My teacher was a Baptist minister too.

Last year, I passed a man on campus spouting out anti-evolution sentiments, and one of his arguments was "don't believe everything you read." The first thing I thought after hearing that was: 'you mean like the Bible.'

Now go ahead and stone me. I don't care. I respect the fact that you believe in something. Actually, I envy it just a little bit, but please try not to spew your nonsense on me. I'm really not it the mood to crush your entire belief system, but I might feel obligated to do so, if you get a religion stain on my new shirt.