I don't think this is what I signed up for.

I just want you to know that if/when I have a nervous breakdown it was indeed all my fault.

I have spent my beautiful, sunny, mild weekend reading. I don't mean curled up with a good book sipping tea reading ( I adore that), no I mean heavy text book, mundane reading. As a college student, this is not a new phenomenon, but the duration of this studiousness has gotten ridiculous. No one should spend their entire weekend swimming in the dark waters of academia.

I did pick my classes with little regard for my own sanity, so I suppose it's not my place to complain. I still want to though.

It doesn't help that my body is, now after twenty-ish years for the first time, getting the proper number of calories (instead of excessively more). I'm hungry, tired, and overworked. Bring on Xmas, so I can finish this farce of a semester.

It seems I only blog when I want to bitch about school.

Rightfully so, I suppose.

My classes start Tuesday, and my plate is overflowingly full. Just looking over two of the sylabi for my classes gave me a headache. It also gave me the impression that my education professor is a hippie. I mean the real deal type of hippie. She is concerned about the environment and gives off the "lets hold hands and sing" vibe.

I kind of want it to still be summer:

 

Lack of sleep coupled with a longer than usual car journey has exhausted me. I feel as if I'm going to nod off any minute and I still have to unpack all my crap. I definantly have some procrastination issues. Blogging instead of cleaning.

Roomie is also hosting a soiree here this evening, so sleeping will probably not happen anytime soon.

As I look at months of neglected Chemistry, I realize

I know I do a fair amount of bitching at the end of every semester, because I, by nature, am very lazy. This is not helped by the fact that in the past minimal effort would suffice. I'm not some genius that destroys curves and blurts out answers to rhetorical questions, but without studying I can usually get a B. It's more of a curse than a blessing. It keeps me lazy and boosts my ego to this uncontrollable beast.

Oh, and here is the kicker. When I do study, I spend more time on the subjects I'm more likely to ace without the effort, because I usually like them better. And I don't want to even try with things that it's conceivable that I could fail. That's how I get As and Ds on the same grading period, although I haven't really done that since high school.

I guess the fundamental lesson here is that my moderately high GPA is not a real reflection of my character. Plus, I despise chemistry and all its little science buddies.

I'm a smidgen overwhelmed. Just a smidgen.

Today my NC History professor told me I didn't look like the type to have tattoos and that I must have a wild side. It made me wonder what I look like. I mean I thought people would expect people like me to have tattoos, but then again I don't look the way I act.

It is almost time for me to register for classes for next semester and one of the ones I want is already full, which prompted me to rant about priority registration, because honors and teaching fellow kids are lucky bastards. If I stalk the registration page enough, I'll get the classes I want so don't worry. I'll probably just get 15 hours for now and stalk and stalk and stalk and stalk until I get that one class and I'll be up to 18 hours, and if you are familiar with college credit hours that is indeed a lot, and I am indeed crazy. But you knew that.

I have a speech proficiency test tomorrow. It is a requirement to get into the college of ed. I think it is dumb, but I exempted out of the pain in the butt requirement so I'll let this go.

I also have to do some volunteer work so I don't get kicked out of he honor society. I only have 4 of the required 15 points, so I need to get on the ball. If I hadn't already blown so much money on this, I would probably just quit, because I don't really have the time for it, and I'm going to just join the History and Social Science Honors societies, because you just pay them money and they give you chords and leave you alone. I guess I'll give it a good college try and if I get kicked out I'll leave it at that.

Yay college!

We have yet another snow day here in Boone, and I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather be in class. That's a sad statement. I'm starting to worry about not receiving any credits for this semester since I haven't really learned anything. My apartment is closing in on me, and everything in every direction is white. We've accumulated more snow this year than any other in recorded history. Facebook groups have been made to complain about it. It's not a good day to be a Mountaineer.

I'm still as insecure as the teenager I was.

We talked about self-esteem today in my Social Psychology class. we took an inventory of whether or not we had high/low self-esteem. Now, I know I have low self-esteem, but it's kind of weird when you know you have low self-esteem. It's not even on the moderate line or close, which I thought it would be at least close.

Of course high and low self-esteem both have their ups and downs. For instance, people with lower self-esteem have more accurate self appraisal, and are less likely than those with higher self-esteem to overestimate their abilities. So, I guess I'm less likely to make a jackass out of myself, which can be put in the win column.

Apparently, I'm also less likely to let things go. And I don't let things go. Bad things stick with me a whole lot more than the good, but I think of it as being prepared for all scenarios.

At least I'm ready for my life to fall to shambles.

I'm a psychology minor, and I took most of my classes for said minor a couple years ago. Now, that I have a psychology class again that is not about teaching children, I'm starting to self-diagnose again. I'm almost positive that both my mother and I are bi-polar.

The snow is getting to me.

I've spent my week acting ten different kinds of crazy. I really need to go home. I've almost run out of clean clothes, and I'm sincerely homesick. The snow is getting to me. I know I picked a school nestled in the mountains, and how could I expect anything less than snow up to my knees? It reflects light and blinds me every time I dare look out the window. I'm just over this whole winter nonsense. Actually, I'm pretty much sick of school itself. I'm even graduating a semester early and it's not soon enough.

I don't do well in the cold. That's why I'm thinking Florida for grad school. Heck yeah.

I have to learn Greek now?

My life goals have altered several times over the course of life as it does for most people. Currently, I am on a fifteen year-ish plan when it comes to my future career. Odds are I'll give up the dream eventually, because lets be honest, I'm not the most driven person. Let me give you my plan:

1. Finish my undergrad degree. I have a year, a couple summer sessions, and my semester of student teaching. This is the most attainable of my goals. The one I am most focused on accomplishing.
2. Next I will teach for about five years, so I may pay down some of my school debt.
3. I will then go to get my masters in history education. I will probably achieve this at my current school, because I know it so well (we stick with what we know).  This should take me about two years, if I'm not incapable. I would love to get this done if not for an elevated pay. 
4. Teach a couple more years to pay down those debts.
5. Finally, get my Ph.D from either Greensboro or Florida. Depending on which college I choose and the degree I want to go for will dictate whether I must learn Greek or not. I'm not good with languages, so I should probably make up my mind and get to studying.
6. Then I will teach the unsuspecting college students of the world. Either about ancient Greece or Colonial Pirates (those are the two I'm considering)

These are just my professional goals. I also want to get married and have babies. Just thought you guys should know about what is pressing on my mind recently.

I love that I can rent my textbooks.

I am exhausted. The first day of class has come and gone, and it left me feeling like a shell of my former self. Between syllabi and bus rides that last an eternity (the red route appalcart is not your friend), I have decided that I want to either fast forward or rewind. I'm starting to remember why napping was so important.

Truth time: I did in fact wake up an hour earlier than I will for the rest of the semester. Lets face it, I'm ten kinds of paranoid. Random thoughts of my schedule being completely wrong and worrying that I'd go the wrong place had me glancing at my already abused schedule every couple minutes.

It wasn't all bad. My classes (although they seem challenging) are doable. I don't think I'll be seeing that string of A's as I did last semester, but I don't think I'll be fretting anything. I haven't gone to Chemistry yet so this is all subject to change.

I went to the school bookstore with the notion of buying something twice today. I succeeded both times unfortunately for my bank account. Buying a grand total of 135 dollars on just supplemental school supplies makes me extremely thankful that Appalachian State lets you rent your textbooks for no fee (as long as you return them on time) and will buy back your supplemental books at a reduced price. I never sell back my supplemental books, because so far they have all been rather interesting.

Yeah, I'm a paranoid nerd, who is early to everything almost to a fault.

The first day of class is steadily approaching. Between nervous excitement and paralyzing dread, I am completely unprepared. I am back in Boone, which I recently spent a week in Gastonia (my home town). Now, as I sit in my apartment across from my wonderful roommate, I can imagine how the rest of this semester will play out.

My schedule is fairly tedious. Tuesdays and Thursday are going to be long days. My first class begins at 9:30 in the morning and my last class ends at 5 in the afternoon. In those days, I will also be doing the lab for my Curriculum and Instructions class, where I must tutor some unexpecting students. It will be an experience to say the least.

Monday, I have a Chemistry lab that is scheduled to last three hours. It doesn't usually take that long (or rather it doesn't take that long for other people). I am not a science kind of girl. I will never be a science kind of girl. I don't care how things works...I really don't as long as they work.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I only have two lectures. So, Wednesday and Friday are going to be nice. Although the classes are Chemistry and Curriculum/Instruction.

I don't know if I'm going to have a good semester yet. I never do. Half way through the semester I can pretty much predict if things will go my way. My first semester of college did not go well for me at all. I was sick all the time. It was a new experience. My grades were seriously lacking. Although, last semester I made it onto the Chancellor's list with even more classes. So, it's really a flip of a coin.