Insomnia: I guess it could be worse.

I can't sleep. Sadly two am has become my new normal bedtime and yet I still can't sleep. My family (and I mean the whole famdambly) is going to Charleston on vacation tomorrow, so I guess I'm a little excited about that, but I don't know if that would affect my sleeping pattern. I dropped my dog off with my bestie and I'm used to having his paws pressed into my back as I sleep, but I don't know if that is it either. I just can't sleep. I'm pretty much done packing too so I can't even use this time to be productive.

I am not going to be nice in the morning. I guess I can sleep in the car if the need arises.

So now I get to spend a solid seven days with people that will most likely drive me insane. I won't even have whatshisface or bestie there to break up the monotony. Too bad I'm a couple months too young to inhale liquor (you know just incase things hit a snag). Oh by the way, Charleston SC (because I utterly despise West Virginia) is by far my favorite place in America. I'm just super saiyan.

I used to hate materialism.

When I was a young cynic (like the rest of American youth), I hated all things materialistic. I thought capitalism was fascism and vice versa, but now I might as well be Madonna.  I love getting presents and giving them, although I like giving more because it's like a puzzle/game to me. I mention this, because today is the pinnacle of materialism. An entire day based on buying your sweetheart something pretty. I partly hated today before because I was alone and bitter, so I half-truth invented my hatred of materialism.

Now, I love Valentine's day. I don't know who St. Valentine is, as a history person you think I would lap that up, but I'm not Catholic and I have no desire to familiarize myself with Saints (New Orleans excluded).

I'm in love, because I have a pretty fantastic boyfriend, and my life is all fluffy clouds, rainbows, butterflies, and puppies. I didn't get to actually spend the day with him, because I had to drive back to school which is an hour and a half away from my home town. We're in a long-distance-ish relationship that aspect is the bulk of our issues. We had a date night like thing last night, which included eating and watching a movie with our best friends.

Friday night it began to snow in Gastonia, and I have to admit I played more in the snow there than I ever do in Boone, despite there being a whole lot more of it here. My best friend and I had a snowball fight with my brother and his best friend, and then the four of us went sledding. We won the snowball fight by the way. It might be impressive if you knew my brother and his friend are a couple years older than we are, and we still managed to peg them in the face more (which is always the measure of victory).

Now, look at how adorable me and whatshisface are:

Everyone wants to fall in love. Some people just don't know how, or maybe they are just a little too proud.

I had wedding dreams all last night. They came in all different shapes and sizes. Everyone I know that has never been married were thrown to the alter. This includes myself.

The weirdest part was during my best friends wedding I showed up in my wedding dress, because she didn't ask me to be a bride's maid. It was very odd happening, and I cried the rest of the dream for ruining her big day.

I don't know what is going on in my subconscious, but it's getting weird up in there. I'm only nineteen people. This could not be normal. It could be the fact that we were watching "Say yes to the dress" on tv, and every time someone picked a dress my roommate and I would yell about how we were never getting married. We were a little tipsy and not thinking at our best. Well, at least I had a pretty wedding.

It's because I'm selfish.

It's not those things you forget to do.
It's not the uncertainty that you paint your face with.
It's not that we disagree.
It's not all those things about you that piss me off.
It's not you.
It's not me.
It's the cosmos. The universe. Fate. Destiny. Celestial Forces. God. Buddha. Geomagnetism.
It's nothing.

I love you.

There is no changing that. Since I'm even more stubborn than you are, I don't care if the universe kicks me when I'm down. Or it shouldn't be. I don't believe in fate or destiny. So, why leave my love to the selfishness of the universe? I refuse. I'm going to love you until the day I die, even if you remain forever away. I'm not letting go. No matter how much the childish, attention whorish part of my brain wants to concede. So, don't make any plans you can't fit me into.

It's the distance.
But I forgive you anyway.

(But you can go ahead and move to Boone, if you don't mind.)