I have recently re-read all the files of writing on my computer. There is a ton more scribbled in notebooks hidden from the world's eyes, that I don't even want to think about. I found a story that I wrote three or four years ago that I always loved for the most part, which is rare for me. I hate the ending, but I never know how to end things. I just write until I get bored and then stop or if I'm feeling the story has run its course I kill someone off. I have several unfinished novels that have the potential to be good, but this story I read it and I want other people to love it too. I also want someone to help me fix it, but I can never find anyone that ever seems interested enough to pick through it. I also have a chronic fear of people judging me more harshly than I have already judged myself.

Anywho, this story has taken over my free thinking space. I don't have a lot at the moment seeing as how I'm in exam week. I need to find an editor. I had a friend once that I would have actually trusted with this crazy task, because her life's goal was to become an editor, but there has been bad blood, and now I only have friends that don't even like to read. I mean I can coerce some people into reading my stuff, but they usually just give out those superficial comments about plot points, and I need someone to give me criticism I can work with.

My dad reads all my term papers and school stuff to fix my grammar, but I need a substance person.

I need to make more friends for practical purposes I suppose. Oh and I need a human spell check to slap me around a little, because I cannot spell to save my life. Hmmm.

Stones at the ready

I think it is a little funny, that when I seriously start to re-look over my eternal work in progress novel is when a national competition (or whatever Nanowirmo is) starts. I have no intention of pretending I'm even taking part of the month of writing. I'll probably never finish this bad boy, but I thought it was a little funny, because I've seen that everyone is working on their novels. Coincidences are so much fun.

Now let us talk about war. I know it's Veteran's Day and that's what made me think of it. I really believe the concept of war is age old and a necessary part of the world. I get it. That does not make me any less of a pacifist. I love that there are people in this country willing to defend us, because in all honesty I don't have that much integrity. I just don't like that we have to kill some people that have nothing to do with the political agenda of their country. we do have a tendency to go after the Dictators and the militant groups after all. I don't like bombs. Guns don't make me happy. I don't like fighting wars over "survival of the fittest" scenarios either. I don't like that we're in a oil war right now, that we can't finish, because we went in there and fucked it up in the first place.

Saddam was a jerk, I know. He, however, ran his country without civil war, which is what the Iraqi people are on the verge now. I don't think it's a waste of money to fix our mistakes (actually that's probably the best use of our money). I just wish we didn't make them in the first place, don't you?

Happy Veteran's day to all those who have served this country. I really do appreciate all that you have given us, even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes. Especially to my father, the Veteran, who usually has to work this day. Yet the children who haven't get the day off, life is funny like that.

Idle fancies

I have decided that I am going to write novels in my free time.

They won't be good, nor will they ever be published, but I love to write.

If you ever see my name on the cover of a book, go ahead and read it, so you can make fun of me later.

I have in my life time cycled through all the possible career opportunities that would bore me to tears or make me a walking head case. I always fancied myself a bit of a writer even if that notion is a tad bit delusional.

I don't self motivate well. Thus, I need someone to expect me to get things done (and if that person could express some idea of what they want that would be great too). I've given a lot of thought to at least trying to write a novel.

If were to write a novel, this would be the beginning (and that is exactly how it is labeled on my computer):

It could have been the bitter taste of sweat as it snuck its way into my agape mouth. It could have been the increasingly horrible thoughts that raced their way behind my eyes as I tried to mask my surprise. No matter what contributing factors there was one fact that could not be overlooked: he was back and from the look of him he brought a vengeance.